On Compromise

Compromise is supposed to be about give-and-take. But the problem with this approach is that it's easy for both sides to walk away feeling like they've lost something. And as psychology has shown, a loss feels worse than a gain.

Lose enough times, and you stop coming to the table.

There's another way to think about it.

Instead of give-and-take, we can give a gift.

A gift is an offering. And as Lewis Hyde has taught us, a gift stays in motion to remain a gift—it comes back around. It's easier to accept a gift when you've been giving. It's easier to give a gift when you trust that, someday soon, it will come back around.

Generosity has a unique way of spreading. When you receive a true gift, you can't help but feel that when the opportunity comes—when it's your turn—you want to give a gift back.

That's how culture, the good kind, grows. Gift by gift.