When “One of Us” Becomes “None of Us”

There is an instinct in our culture today to pull back when someone isn’t “one of us.” We’ve segmented ourselves to the point that it’s easier to isolate than to come together despite our differences.

Hot-button issues are too many to count now. I don’t even have to name them. I recently talked to someone who would not associate with anyone who eats at Chick-fil-A. Unfortunately, these are all side effects of eroding communities, and we are stuck bowling alone.

Which makes it really difficult to find ways to get along.

There are a couple of things worth noting:

First, there’s always been a loop of purity in our culture. It isn’t enough to be vegetarian; now you must be vegan. And yet, the chef who works at Outback Steakhouse doesn’t get to decide what is on the menu. That one-upmanship has a cost: the virtue signal becomes more important than the work itself. And that distraction often impedes the work. Work will always be messy, and that messiness too often gets in the way of even getting started.

Second, snap judgments in humans will never go away. But now, filters are everywhere on the web, amplifying what we don’t like about each other. If you don’t like what someone says, you can mute, swipe left, unfollow, or unsubscribe—creating an echo chamber in the process.

Third, we haven’t built a culture that values work over opinions. Knee-jerk reactions often get applause. And when you ask why someone holds such a strong opinion, the answer is usually thin—more about identity than experience or effort. It often boils down to this: I’m not sure, other than that they are not like us.

It turns out there is always something we will find to disagree about. What matters, then, is what we are building toward.

Times do change. As Noam Chomsky has pointed out, slavery seemed like it could never have been abolished 200 years ago. And then one day it was.

It was unheard of for Republican representatives to debate climate policy 20 years ago, and now they do.

My first job out of college was as a park ranger. I remember when the National Park Service took the controversial stance of acknowledging climate change as a problem, and we were required to educate visitors about it. That doesn’t seem so controversial anymore.

The Great Salt Lake is currently drying up. I don’t see a political divide in the masses; most are terrified of what they are breathing every windy day.

A flexible, work-from-home schedule was uncommon six years ago, and now it isn’t.

The reactions we feel today rarely show up in the long run. And when we are busy tossing aside the people around us so quickly, we often find ourselves alone in regret down the road, after the strong feelings have passed.

When we start rowing in the same direction, we tend to overlook what is different about us and instead focus on the rowing.